Starting my new year a month before everyone decides to make resolutions.

So let me be the first that I am one of many who makes resolutions, and by May rolls around I have forgotten all about what I said I wanted to do. This time I have to start putting things in place for my mental and physical health. While I tend to get discouraged and have a horrible habit of counting myself out before I can even prove that I can do something, I decided to take baby steps. So before the year ends, I have decided to at least make an effort to get healthier. Not on healthy as in my physical appearance, but healthier with managing my mental health. It's easy for me to internalize a situation and let it weigh on my mind until everything builds up and I can't take it and have a breakdown. However, that hurts me more in the process. Not only does it hurt me because I don't release those stressors, but the stress that I keep bottled up is killing me slowly. Granted I am still fairly young and ideally have a long life ahead of me, I really need to get things under control as best I can right now while I can and kinda want to. I say kinda because let's admit it: mental illnesses are so stigmatized that who really wants to admit that something is wrong... So I've decided that keeping that secret to myself doesn't really help the situation especially when I'm trying to move forward in my life with finding a career, and advocating for kids who don't have it. While mentally getting fit, I need not neglect my body anymore. I've been doing a good job of neglecting my health because when you are in the midst of an episode, lets be honest, the last thing on your mind is "Oh, let me get up, eat a well balanced meal, and work out". I've woken up many mornings wanting the day to be over, or my favorite, just lock myself in my room away from reality. Not healthy, but it works for me, and there are days where if I eat I'm doing good, and then there are days where all I want to do it eat. So, before the year ends I have to start holding myself accountable. No more pretending that everything is okay, no more beating myself up when a situation doesn't go how I want, no living in the past trying to change what has already happened, and definitely no more neglecting myself, and making excuses when the doctors don't understand why my health is rapidly declining.